if a time machine does exist,
and time travel wouldn't change or cause any effect of the future,
i would come visiting myself in the past, the teenage me in secondary school and high school.

i would just tell them that they're doing great, even the best they could. that they didn't deserve any bad treatments they're facing. that it's not their fault, and they'd done more than enough that they built the future them better. they might still be getting hurt in the future by many things but trust me it wouldn't last long. i hope they could try to never keep any of those anger and hatred in their heart because those are what make it difficult for them to have a peaceful life. i just want them to know things did get better, perhaps not for their relationship with other people but at least it did with everything they've achieved. i am beyond proud of them for staying this far. so let's stay for another and more years ahead.

PMS got me like I'm buried under a ton of sorrow. It's two-thirty a.m. and I'm not doing my work. Instead, I sadly am romanticizing every sad song on my playlist. Here's one to listen to for everyone who's been struggling in a relationship. I know, we don't even know if this is gonna work or not, but let's just believe that whatever comes after, it's gonna be a good thing and it must be better for us.

morana angelica - melawan dunia cover (originally by ran ft. yura)

Back to work!!!!!!

Selama di Bandung jam tidur makin kacau. Nggak ada yang ngeharusin bangun pagi, jadi malah sering baru tidur ketika udah pagi. Kalo jam-jam segini tuh aku suka keinget hal-hal yang udah lewat.

Barusan keinget dua tahun lalu, masa-masa baru pindah ke Jatinangor. Seminggu pertama di sana kalo lagi video call entah kenapa tiba-tiba suka sedih. Sedih yang sampe nangis gitu. Tapi nangisnya marah juga, he bingung kan. Sedih dan marah kenapa harus pindah ke Nangor. Kalo nangis juga yang diucap selalu, "Nanti yang nemenin di sini siapa?".

Dari dulu, aku sadar banget kalo aku anaknya super clingy ke siapapun. Selalu takut kalo tau bakal ngelakuin apa-apa sendirian. Kalo ditinggal pergi orang lain, diem-diem nahan nangis sampe dada sesek. Dan itu berlaku untuk siapapun, terutama orang-orang yang sering bantu sehari-hari. Gitu.

Karena keinget sedihnya pindah ke Nangor waktu itu, sekarang jadi kerasa sedih lagi. Senin besok udah resmi jadi mahasiswa tingkat akhir. Artinya yang selalu nemenin pun udah mau lulus. Ketakutannya masih sama,

"Nanti yang nemenin di sini siapa?".